Rainbow of Hope

8 1719 Share
Description:

"Having a depression is like seeing a rainbow in grayscale."

This creation is about a depressed suicidal person, sitting by the window. What are they looking at? Is that a rainbow of hope that they created in their imagination or is it something else? Will they be able to see the … (read more)

"Having a depression is like seeing a rainbow in grayscale."

This creation is about a depressed suicidal person, sitting by the window. What are they looking at? Is that a rainbow of hope that they created in their imagination or is it something else? Will they be able to see the rainbow after the rain?

----

I'm opening up about my mental health issues not for attention/sympathy seeking, it's to break the silence, break the stigma of mental health.

I've been suffering from depression, anxiety and ADHD for years. To be honest, to this day, I still can't think of any valid reasons for me to be depressed. I have a loving and supportive family, I don't have much friends but I have a true friend that always stands by me, I had a job with decent pay, though it's work-life imbalance, I basically have everything I need. Possible causes of my mental health issues could be biological (hormonal imbalance and genetics) and environmental: I'm a victim of verbal bullying since I was a child because I'm 'different' from others, they take me as a joke and laugh at me. Though I don't show it but I actually care a lot of what others think and talk about me. Their words destroyed my self-esteem. I didn't know how to release my suppressed emotions, which caused me emotionally trapped and my 'inner child' to be wounded. Our 'inner child' holds our accumulated childhood hurts, traumas, fears and angers. A wounded, unhealed inner child can show up as destructive behavior.

As my mental illness developed, the physical symptoms of my mental illness started showing up. I always feel like there's a lump in my throat, but nothing is actually there, I couldn't swallow anything, it then led me to eating disorder. My irrational intense and overwhelming fear caused me panic disorder. My anxiety gave me irritable bowel syndrome. I had to quit my job due to my mental health issues because the physical symptoms are troubling me so much and it is affecting my daily life. I have sleeping problems, I have trouble staying asleep and no matter how much I sleep, I'm tired, mentally and physically, I just want to sleep, I want to be asleep forever. I often have brain fog and memory loss, I can't fully focus in anything I do. I've had a few medical check-ups because I thought there was something wrong with my physical but my medical report turned out fine, I had to accept the fact that I'm mentally ill and see a psychiatrist to receive therapy. I started to hate myself so much because I couldn't live like a normal person, I had trouble even swallowing liquid. I lost my passion in everything, I lost my passion for life, I feel hopeless.

When I started having suicidal thoughts, it actually felt like a relief in a way. I believed I wasn’t good enough to receive help and that it couldn’t possibly work for me, so I gave myself the escape route of death in my thoughts. I couldn’t imagine living on in the amount of pain I was in and I really couldn’t think of another option. My parents and a true friend are the reason why I'm still here, I don't want them to be sad, they've always loved me, they've done so much for me and they're always there to remind me there's a rainbow after the storm, I'm very lucky and blessed to have them with me. My true friend accompanied me to my psychotherapy sessions, though she wasn't earning much but she gave me some money for my psychotherapy session and my medical fees. One day, she wrote a letter to me, "You've worked hard and done well. Thank you for being you and thank you for being alive.", I always keep these words in my heart and mind, it's one of the most important things that keeps me going in life.

I discovered voxel art last year and developed my long-lost interest/passion for it. I initially started making voxel art as a therapeutic activity, I then use it as a way to express my emotions and thoughts. I'm still trying my best to survive in this world, I'm surviving at my own pace, I'm on my way to recovery, I'm hoping to see the rainbow of my life again.

Please be kind to everyone, including ourselves. To whoever that are struggling, I may never speak to you personally but if you’re reading this, please know that I'm so glad you’re still here, I'm proud of you for how far you've come to, you've worked hard and done well, don't be so hard on yourself, it's okay to be not okay. If you need someone to talk to, you could send me a DM on my social media, I'll try my best to listen.

I believe we'll see the rainbow of hope and the rainbow of our life, one day.


Additional Details:
  • 1920 x 2400 px, Video (81.7 MB)
  • This is a signed and limited edition digital creation.
    What does this mean?

Comments

I love it Shin! You are doing something so unique with voxels, it is amazing to see you grow

REPLY
Shin Oh
(creator)
2021/03/01

Thanks a lot, Stephan. I enjoy making storytelling voxel art. ☺️

REPLY
YoungV
2021/02/27

这幅作品让我想起了自己20岁时的孤独时光

REPLY
Shin Oh
(creator)
2021/02/27

希望现在的你一切安好,能轻松快乐自在的生活 💕

REPLY
Shivansh Rawat
2021/02/27

Beautiful piece

REPLY
Shin Oh
(creator)
2021/02/27

Thanks Shivansh!

REPLY
Victor Duarte
2021/02/26

I don't even know what to say Shin... apart that this art is so beautiful, but I'm so glad you are opening yourself and doing it through beautiful art. This piece is so strong, and so you are! True inspiring 🙏

REPLY
Shin Oh
(creator)
2021/02/27

Thank you, Victor. As I've said, making art about our pain is a good way to access the emotional pain in a safe & mindful way. I'm trying to heal my own wound through art and hope my art can heal others too. :)

REPLY